


Season 4 Stuff and Nonsense

by Briar Rose (Byrcca), Byrcca



Series: Stuff and Nonsense [3]
Category: Star Trek: Voyager
Genre: Episode: s04e03 Day of Honor, Episode: s04e18-19 The Killing Game, Episode: s04e20 Vis-a-Vis, F/M, Proto P/T
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-03-28
Updated: 2018-03-30
Packaged: 2019-04-14 01:58:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,303
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14125641
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Byrcca/pseuds/Briar%20Rose, https://archiveofourown.org/users/Byrcca/pseuds/Byrcca
Summary: A little Tom Paris introspection set sometime during those missing three days (presumably when he wasn’t focusing on helping to save Chakotay’s butt.)





	1. Maybe

**Author's Note:**

> Another oldie. I’m not sure about the goodie part. Any P/Ter will figure out.

I haven't seen her since we were beamed to sickbay.  I must have passed out, finally, as soon as the oxygen hit my brain.  When I woke up, she was gone. 

Did I dream it all?  I guess not since the doc made me stay in sickbay overnight for observation.  I didn't ask about B'Elanna—I didn't have to.  He told me as soon as I regained consciousness that she was fine and he'd released her.  Probably on the threat of having his matrix realigned. 

It's that tough Klingon constitution.  She looks so delicate, so fragile, that I forget sometimes just how tough she is. 

It's like an echo.  Or a garbled subspace message.  Like I was asleep, so I can't be sure.  Of course she could have just been telling me what I wanted to hear.  I haven't exactly been subtle about the fact that I want us to be a little more than friends.  

A lot more. 

I could have it all wrong.  Maybe she was just trying to tell me how...how she loves me as a friend.  Like Harry.  I'm sure she loves Harry like a brother.  That's got to be it.  I was just confused.  It's understandable.  We were almost unconscious and I got it wrong.  But I hope not. 

It's probably for the best anyway.  I mean, we're not exactly alike—not what anyone would think of as the perfect couple!  She's so intense, and she works all the time, and God!  She's so private!  About everything.  And God forbid anyone should try to get close to her.  To find out what's really going on inside her head.  She takes everything so seriously. 

And I like being around people.  I like to have fun, which seems to be a foreign word to B'Elanna.  I guess Klingons don’t have fun.  Well, half-Klingons anyway. 

It's better this way.  I mean, we would be crazy together!  We fight all the time as it is!  Yesterday—in her quarters—I haven't been that fed up since... the day before yesterday.  Sigh... 

I've tried so hard to get Sakari out of my head. God, that kiss!  And the way she felt pressed against me.  Hell, even the way she was walking, stalking me...  
I've got to know for sure.  I'll go out of my mind if I don’t know for sure.  

Computer, locate Lieutenant Torres. 

"Lieutenant Torres is in her quarters." 

Okay, I can get dressed and go.  I should go, not com her.  Yeah, sure, that would be great.  'So, how are you feeling, B'Elanna?  No lingering effects, I hope.  And by the way, did you really mean it when you said you were in love with me, or did you just say that to make me feel better before we both bit the cosmic dust?' 

Yeah, that would go over really well. 

Christ, I'm such a coward. 

I mean, we have nothing in common.   Except, I dunno, Harry.  And the warp core.  Ugh!  Tom, get a grip!  You've been dating for months!  Sort of dating.  Eating together anyway.  And spending time on the holodeck.  And we got along great when we were creating her Day of Honor program; well, sort of great.  Maybe I went a little overboard.  I think the painsticks might have been a mistake... 

Okay, I'll just take this logically.  We share some interests.  Not a lot, but some.  And she's not boring--I pretty much never know how she'll react in any given situation, so that's exciting in a relationship.  And she doesn't play games, well, maybe she does play games.  I hope I get the chance to find out. 

And I know that we'd be great together. 

Maybe she really meant it.  She could really love me.  And I—I'm in love with her too.  I am.  I just have to learn how to trust that.  To trust her. 

I should have said something.  I should have answered her.  I have to stop being a coward about the stuff that really matters.  

So, I'll ask her.  Maybe.  Tomorrow. 

Computer, end log.

__  
**_maybe_ ** __

_kd lang -- she's Canadian  ;-)_ __

_(sung very slowly, hesitantly, sweetly.  Just close your eyes and picture it)_ __

_maybe i am crazy_  
_maybe i'm confused_  
_maybe i've misconstrued_  
_maybe i...._  
_love you_  
_maybe i am dreaming_  
_maybe i am doomed_  
_maybe i'm destitute_  
_maybe i..._  
_love you_  
_*oh..._  
_maybe i'll ask or_  
_no..._  
_maybe i won't_  
_oh..._  
_it could be disaster_  
_no..._  
_maybe it won't_  
_maybe if i do_  
_it may be_  
_that maybe you_  
_love me too_  
_maybe i've misconstrued_  
_maybe i..._  
_love you_  
_oh..._  
_maybe i'll ask or_  
_no..._  
_maybe i won't_  
_oh..._  
_it may be disaster_  
_no..._  
_maybe it won't_ __

* * *


	2. Tête-à-tête

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A Vis a Vis coda? Missing scene? Rewrite? Because it's the only thing that makes sense out of that disaster of an episode.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This has been in my head for a long time but I only wrote it because some lovely person subscribed to this series, presumably assuming there would be more than one story. So here it is, I hope it doesn’t suck!
> 
> There’s a teeny, tiny Blood Fever reference because how could I resist?

***

His face twisted with sudden rage, and he grabbed her by the upper arms and shook her. He gripped her chin, his fingers digging into the soft skin of her jaw. She saw disgust in his eyes, and a violence that frightened her; his voice dripped venom.

“ _You’re a real disappointment to me, you know that? I don’t know what I ever saw in you._ ”

B’Elanna jerked awake, her body stiff, muscles clenched. Her pulse was pounding in her ears. She held her breath in an attempt to get her erratic breathing under control. It was a nightmare; she’d had a nightmare. Her legs were tangled in the blankets, and she gently kicked them loose, letting out a slow, measured breath. In through the nose, out through the mouth, just like Tuvok had taught her. 

A heavy arm dropped onto her waist, warm palm sliding across her belly to her hip. Long fingers squeezed gently, then relaxed. He puffed a breath against her temple. 

“Hey,” Tom murmured, “when did you get here?” His voice was groggy, and he dropped a kiss on her hair. 

“Around two.” Heat rolled off him, and she closed her eyes and concentrated on his warmth, the softness of the mattress under her, the slide of the sheets, the steady rise and fall of his chest.

“Mmmm…” he replied. He hugged her a little tighter, and she relaxed and allowed him to tug her closer.

She rolled toward him and rested her cheek on his shoulder, breathing in his scent, the essence of him. Water showers were a luxury that was near the bottom of the repair list, and even the sonic showers were only working on half the decks—they’d been using Harry’s—but Tom smelled clean and warm. She must reek of sweat. “Warp core’s back online,” she said.

Tom was still for a second, then his body tensed as her words registered and he came fully awake. “Hey, that’s great!” His eyes were open now and he smiled at her. “Who did the honours?”

“I did. Joe insisted.” Her staff had taken to celebrating the finish of major repairs with a little ceremony: whoever had laboured the hardest, either physically or mentally, got to push the button, or key in the sequence, or give the command. Even if it was just replacing a panel, a small crowd would gather, they’d have a short countdown, and applause when—it was usually when not if—the effected system came back online.

“Didn’t he twist his ankle?” Tom asked. 

“Yeah, but he said my mental anguish outweighed his physical pain.”

Tom chuckled and kissed her forehead, then tucked her head under his chin. Her nose was buried in his throat, and she felt his body relax again. “I felt like we should have broken a bottle of champagne over the core struts.”

“We’ll have our own, private champagne celebration tomorrow night,” he murmured. 

She closed her eyes and burrowed into him, matching her breathing to his. Her heart rate had finally slowed, but she couldn't shake the dread, the fear that the dream had conjured.

“Tom?”

“Mmmm?”

“You’re not bored, are you?”

“Whaa…?” He shifted onto his back and pulled her against his chest. “Who can be bored in the Delta Quadrant? If it's not the Hirogen, it’s the Borg. We’re either being hunted, or attacked or experimented on. I’d love some boredom. Give me a chance to work on a holodeck programme I’ve been thinking about.”

She stayed stiff in his arms, listening to his voice grow quieter, feeling him almost sink into the mattress. “That’s not what I meant,” she said. “Tom?”

His hand had grown slack around her waist, and his breathing had evened out. She wondered if he’d fallen back to sleep. But she had to voice it, even if he couldn’t hear her. “I mean, with us. With me. We’re not...I’m not a… disappointment to you, am I?”

“What?” That roused him. He lifted his head off the pillow and stared at her, confusion wrinkling his forehead. “Of course not. What’s this about?”

“I just…” she paused. Her dream seemed far away now, and her fears silly. But it had seemed so real—preposterous, but real. “I’ve been so busy, and I haven’t been able to spend any time with you, that’s all. I don’t mean to ignore you.”

He looked confused for a moment, then leaned over and kissed her. “You make my spaceship go, B’Elanna,” he smiled. “And when it’s broken, it takes time to fix it. I’m not going to get whiney because the warp core took you away from me. Besides, what good is a pilot if his ship won't fly?”

“I had this dream,” she began. “A nightmare.”

“Tell me.”

“Well, it seems silly now but it was so serious. So real.” She paused. The details were starting to slip away. 

“Am I in trouble? I didn’t do it, I swear it. I’ve been replacing anodyne relays for the last three days. And when I’m not doing that, I’ve been helping the doc restock sickbay.”

She glanced at him and couldn’t help but smile. “In my dream you were avoiding sickbay. Actually, you were avoiding me too.”

“Never gonna happen,” he said. He cupped her cheek and smoothed his thumb over her full lower lip. She closed her eyes and leaned into his hand. 

“Actually, it’s right up your alley. Some alien switched bodies with you and sent you off in his ship, and he stayed onboard _Voyager_ pretending to be you.”

He looked confused. “And no one knew it wasn’t me?”

She shook her head. Should she tell him he’d been behaving like such a boorish ass that no one could tell the difference? “He used all your replicator rations on alcohol.”

Tom winced. “Sounds like a crazy dream,” he said. He stared at her and frowned. “What? What else?”

B’Elanna sighed. “It’s silly. I know it wasn’t really you. Even in the dream, it wasn’t really you.”

Tom was staring intently at her now, and he’d begun to rub little circles on her shoulder. It felt nice. “He…” she began. “I was working pretty nonstop, repairing the ship, and he called me to the transporter room, and he tried to talk me into beaming down to a planet for a picnic. A little twenty-four hour vacation.”

“Sounds nice,” Tom said. His eyes were warm, and she got lost in them for a moment. 

“I had to say no; I couldn’t get away. And he got angry and grabbed me and…” She shivered remembering the look on his face, the way his mouth twisted in disgust, the dismissal in his eyes. “You said I was a disappointment. That you didn’t know what you ever saw in me.” 

She couldn’t meet Tom’s eyes. She glanced down, where the blankets lay just under his ribcage, and plucked at a wrinkle of fabric where his tee shirt had rucked up. 

“You could never disappoint me, B’Elanna. I don’t even know what that’s supposed to mean. You’re the most brilliant, talented, best damn engineer in the Delta Quadrant. And the sexiest, most beautiful woman I’ve ever met. How could you imagine I could be disappointed?” He shook his head. “Besides, that wasn’t me. I mean,” he laughed, “it doubly wasn’t me. Not only was it a dream, I had my body stolen, right?”

“I know. It just felt real.”

He brought his hand back to her face and traced her cheek. “The only real thing is us, here, right now. It was a classic stress dream, B’Elanna, but soon _Voyager_ will be repaired and good as new, and things will get back to normal.”

She puffed a breath. “What’s normal out here?” she asked. 

He leaned in and kissed her, soft and sweet, and she clung to him. “What you need,” he said, “is a stress-buster.” He kissed her mouth, the tip of her nose, between her eyes.

“Are you threatening to rub my back?” she asked, only half joking. Tom had magic fingers at the helm of a starship. On her tender trapezius muscles, not so much.

He just grinned. “Computer, what’s the time?”

:The current time is oh three hundred hours forty-seven minutes:

B’Elanna smiled at him. “Oh, goodie. I got an hour and a half of sleep.”

“Well, it’s a good thing you have that tough Klingon constitution,” Tom grinned. “Sleep is for the weak.” He pushed her onto her back and smoothed his hand down her arm, dipped into the indentation of her waist, traced the flare of her hip. 

B’Elanna sucked in a breath. In through the mouth this time. She noted that her pulse was starting to pound. “So, how were you planning on helping me with all this stress?”

He moved his long body over hers, settling between her thighs, and kissed her shoulder, her throat, under her ear. “I thought I’d rock you,” he murmured. 

“But,” B’Elanna gulped as a hand found her breast, “won't that put me to sleep?”

Tom chuckled into her hair, “If it does, I’m using it wrong.”

**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, it’s over a thousand words. Ca c’est bon.

**Author's Note:**

>  _From the album_  
>  **All You Can Eat,** 1995 Warner Brothers Records Inc.  Written  
>  by k.d.lang and Ben Mink.  Don't sue me.  
>  


End file.
